Being a Work in Progress (solo)

In this short episode I reflect on my recurring life lesson about putting unrealistic pressures on myself, in this case to put out a full podcast this week. Especially when the platforms I am using are a work in progress. And accepting that I am also a work in progress. What are your recurring life lessons?

Transcript [08:03 mins]

[00:00:29] Geri: Do you ever have any of those life lessons where it seems like the universe needs to serve them up to you again and again and again? Because you're so slow to learn them. And so you need to be reminded about them over and over and over again. Well, this week I've been returned to one of my recurring life lessons that it seems like I still don't learn. Which is about setting up unreal expectations for myself. 

[00:01:02] I made the bold claim in the short intro session to season four. That my aim was to try to release a podcast every week on a Wednesday morning. And so I've already put myself under enormous pressure to do that. Uh, we put out the great conversation with Karen last week Karen Stroobants about reforming research evaluation. And I wanted to follow up that podcast, just responding to some of the issues she raised in terms of my personal experiences. And so I did record something and then I spent ages processing the audio and so on. And doing it quite uncritically because I was just driven by, I had to get it out. I had to get it out. Uh, and then Wednesday came and I miss my 8:00 AM release time and it still wasn't done. And I'm still feeling the pressure last night and it just occurred to me. It has stepping back a little bit. It's actually not very good at all. Despite the huge amount of time and effort that I've put into it, it's really not ready to go out. And it's something that I should take just as a, as a rehearsal . So then I was feeling doubly bad about it. 

[00:02:15] But do you know what? That all just comes from me? I created that. No one else. I know that no one is sitting around at 8:00 AM or 9:00 AM on a Wednesday. Waiting for the podcast to drop. But still I felt the pressure. I felt bad. And I ended up putting a whole lot of misdirected time and inefficient effort. Having bought into that pressure. And that whole unrealistic expectation. 

[00:02:43] So I'm not going to release that podcast. I am still going to get something out this week. So what's my minimal commitment that I can do. And I'm just going to do this short one with yet another confession. About this time, setting up unrealistic expectations. 

[00:03:01] And when you think about it, logically of course they were unrealistic expectations. What on earth was I thinking. Of course, it's going to be hard to do weekly at the moment. Because this whole new podcast set up is a work in progress, literally. We're still getting the new technology platforms in place for the podcast and that that's everything from the recording platform. The platform where I process the audio, do the transcriptions. Um, we're setting up a whole new podcast server. They're all new. At once. And so every aspect of the workflow now is brand new as well. And on top of that, they're really great platforms, but in being great, they're also quite complex. And so there's a huge learning curve, both just in getting to know the software and what each of the platforms can do. As well as how I want to use them and how to make that workflow work. 

[00:04:02] And the other aspect, that's a big work in progress and taking time and effort is the website. And. And also there's a lot of interplay between the new podcast server and the new website that we're trying to work out as well. So that the whole environment I'm trying to work in. Is a work in progress. 

[00:04:21] And I'm clearly a work in progress as well. Because I forgot to allow myself grace for being on a learning curve. And learning curves are always uncomfortable. Aren't they it's. It's uncomfortable feeling like you don't know, not being an expert. Um, and also dealing with the uncertainty of that, and also the inevitable challenges that come up and problems. 

[00:04:46] And it's not just that on top of that, this my whole life situation. These are my last days in my current role before transitioning on. And there's a whole lot to be done practically. And not to mention a whole lot to deal with emotionally and the whole emotional overlay of, um, you know, those interesting aspects to endings and beginnings, you know, the sadness of endings the excitement of new beginnings and. so on., And on top of all of that, we've also had a lot of visitors, both personal visitors and work visitors. So, duh, of course, it's going to be hard to get something out on Wednesday. And that's okay. That it didn't happen. 

[00:05:31] And so this week has been returning to the lesson. My recurring life lesson. That it's okay. That I'm okay. Uh, not to put such high expectations on myself and create my own pressures. To hold the expectation's lightly. To be comfortable with adjusting deadlines and to be comfortable with good enough and recognizing when good enough is good enough. And it's okay to also say that. Say the one that I had tried to prepare for this week. Wasn't good enough. 

[00:06:05] So. This is just a short podcast today. I'll do my best to get something out next week, but I won't put pressure on myself and I'll just accept that. Work on being kind to myself, recognize that we will eventually get all of this new stuff, worked out, that the learning curve will become a little bit easier. The website will be up and running my new life, whatever that's going to have it, that's going to be unfolding. Will happen and we'll get into the rhythm as well, and just try to maintain, more of a detached curiosity to see how it all works out. 

[00:06:45] So thanks for listening to my confession. Uh, maybe this invites you to also reflect on what are your recurring life lessons that the universe needs to present you with again, and again, and again. And hopefully. Maybe you are not as slow as me as at learning those lessons. Have a good week